Saturday, January 30, 2010

What Becomes of The Brokenhearted?

Recently (I’d say within the last five months) I’ve been inundated with stories/tales/gossip of the divorces and pending separations among those in the Black Socialite (or aspirant) circle. It’s no secret that the divorce rate is high and with the stress of this economy chipping away at our livelihoods…whew…many solid relationships have dissipated.

One ugly and unfortunate subset of the dissolving of relationships is the social isolation some people experience once the bond has been broken. And usually more than not, it’s the woman who finds herself uninvited to social events and activities.

I’ve never quite understood this phenomenon although I know it exists. What’s equally heartrending is to watch powerful, beautiful, and smart women crumble when the realization comes that they are now on the “outside” of the “in crowd.”

If you find yourself in this predicament, don’t stress it. Those people were never really your friends I’m sorry to report. It’s better to know that lies beneath their masks now so that when you recover you’ll know how to deal with them.

Spend some time cocooning so that you can properly heal before taking on the world again. Once you’re back to full strength, you can begin to cultivate new social circles that are less “couples driven” and are more “competencies driven.” This is a good time to poke around for board appointments to various social service organizations that will yield more contacts and ultimately, more invitations to a variety of social functions.

If you are not currently in a committed relationship, heed this advice. Make sure that you craft a strong social brand identity before you meet that special loved one. It is sooooo much more attractive to be formidable in your own right. If someone wants to decrease you so that they can increase themselves – kick them to the curb face down.

The power rests in you to create and re-create your reality. All good things take time, vision, strategy, and cultivation. Your next chapter is waiting to be written.

The question becomes are you ready?